What do most couples really want from sex? It isn’t endless orgasms, or sex around the clock. Most people want the same old things: connection, pleasure, excitement, mystery, validation. And magic. When the prospect of getting these is slim, satisfaction declines, and desire falls. This is not a “dysfunction;” improving genital “function” is not the answer. The key, instead, often lies in addressing power struggles and control issues; the existential challenges of adulthood; and the need for a new vocabulary. We will discuss how to move couples from perfunctory, infrequent sex to a more vibrant and intriguing experience. We’ll also look at what therapists need internally to help couples discuss sex.